So I pulled the trigger. After my drama post on the GAC Empow, I finally got it—after 8 months of waiting—for the Matte Fighter Green I wanted. So here are 5 reasons why I would think twice before getting one: Warning Satire at work.
1. It’s a douchebag car
This is probably my fault, but having over 170 HP and 0–100 km/h acceleration in under 7 seconds brings out the worst in you. Over the past few months, I’ve found myself turning the variable exhaust button on and off, like I was channel surfing in the 2000s. It’s crazy addictive, and I can’t seem to stop. You can switch from being the quiet gentleman to the teenager who wants attention with just one button. I’m totally fine with being both—so be ready.
2. You won’t blend in
Manila’s car landscape, while huge, doesn’t offer a ton of variety—and with the GAC Empow’s design, it’s fruitless to try to keep a low profile. Be prepared for questions like:
“Boss, ano ’yan?” “Audi ba ’yan?” “Lexus ba ’yan?”
Having a green car won’t help either. Expect even more questions when they see the interior and get puzzled over how GAC managed to offer this kind of luxury in a car under ₱1.5M. I still don’t know either.
It gets worse when you’re in the car with them and you trigger adaptive cruise control—they’ll think you’re being reckless when you use the stop-and-go function. “Dude, what are you doing?”
3. Your wallet won’t be happy
Not that the Empow isn’t fuel-efficient (it can do 10 km/L in the city and up to 18 km/L on the highway), but it’s just so fun to drive. You’ll find yourself going to places you never planned to. Your kids will need to be entertained on long drives (thank God for the great A/C), and if you go solo, you’ll need to buy extra pasalubong just to convince your wife you didn’t visit your old girlfriend to show off your new sports sedan.
4. Your neighbors won’t be kind to you
While the dude with the big, tall SUV might look down on you, deep inside, they’ve always wanted to feel the road and corner flat. Sure, they’ll laugh at you when it’s raining, but they won’t appreciate that you cleared that big hump and your car never scraped once.
Tip: Don’t remotely start the car with your key fob if you left it in Sport+. “Waking up the neighbors” isn’t just a Bryan Adams album.
If you wanted this to be a 5-year car or planned to replace it after paying off the monthly amortization—forget it. The GAC Empow will be with you forever. You’re stuck with it. It will look at you, and you’ll hear voices like:
“Hey, let’s go for a drive.”
“Why are you driving that, bro?”
5. You’ll never get rid of it
You’re probably just imagining things—but when it’s just you, the car, and the road… eventually, you’ll find yourself putting your foot down, NCAP notices piling up, feeling 20 years younger, and entering driving nirvana.
I apologize for the click bait, but if its not obvious already, this is SATIRE. Please join my facebook group GAC Empow Pilipinas http://bit.ly/44Kldo6
